Writing online

I have attempted to start writing online several times now.  I have never been satisfied enough with the forums that I have established to persist.  I have a tendency to circumscribe my own expression.  I either do so my explicitly stating the purpose of the forum or by adopting an unsustainable style (unsustainable because some how affected or fetishistic).

I have always tried again, however, because I feel constantly as though I have something worthwhile to say. And yet I come inevitably to perceive that there is no reason that anyone should care to read what I have written. The fact is that very little that anyone writ's is worth reading. Some people like to read and will look for things to read and read what they find for the pleasure of the activity so long as the matter is adequately agreeable--or at least so the behavior appears. I don't particularly like to read.  I get the sense that there is something somehow wrong about this, but I don't like it very much because I don't think I'm very good at it.  I mean I am not very good at the physical process--i think sometimes perhaps I developed bad habits, of eye movement, say, when I learned to read. I feel strained very early upon embarking to read anything of length.

This has always troubled me because I have like to believe myself otherwise intelligent.

I'm not very good at writing either.  I struggle with the process. I believe I have good ideas, when i reread my old writing it often seems cluttered and stereotyped, like bad Mendelssohn.  I struggle to find my own voice.  The trouble it seems to me is that my "true voice" is garbled with vulgarism, which I sincerely find unappealing. So though I make conscious effort to avoid it I tend to adopt a "grand style", or some manner of formal affectation, in order to cover up a natural tendency to express my thoughts ungrammatically.

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All else aside, though the drive may be sporadic, I am driven somehow to write.  I will try to do so here.  The parameters shall be only that I try to do so honestly, whatever that ends up meaning.